Bye bye grease!

So, Influenster saved the day, yet again, with another free product! Except this time, it was THREE free products! What I thought was just going to be a pre-shampoo clay mask turned into that plus a full size shampoo and conditioner!

I was super excited to try this product because it was tailored just for me. I don't wash my hair often (oops), and when I do, I still feel like the under layers of my hair are greasy. Enter: pre-shampoo mask.

So, one downside is that this adds 10-15 minutes to your normal shower routine. I wasn't exactly sure how to apply and couldn't find any specific directions. I may have applied too much, maybe not. Anyway, you basically separate your hair into sections and apply directly to your scalp. I made sure to double up on those under layers. Then you let it sit for 5ish minutes. I used that time to take off my make up and get the shower heated up. Then, you hop in the shower and rinse it out! It takes a few minutes to make sure you get it all out. Follow up with their shampoo and conditioner, and you're done!

It. Worked. So. Well. And I'm super skeptical of new products. For the first time in forever, as I was straightening my hair, the under layers didn't look like they needed 3 lbs of dry shampoo! And because of that, my hair had some added volume!

All in all, I give this a 9.5/10. The only only only thing is that it does add a decent amount of time, but, you're only supposed to use once a week so that kind of cancels it out.

GET THIS NOW!!

#SleepLovers

Alright, fellow #SleepLovers. Here's the deal: I love sleep. It's probably one of my favorite past times. Going to bed early, sleeping in, napping, I love it all. I'm the girl that would cancel fun plans because I had the opportunity to lay in bed and do nothing.

With that said: I suck at sleeping. Mostly sleeping during the night. It takes me probably 20 minutes to fall asleep and I'm guaranteed to wake up at least 2-3 times for no reason whatsoever. And no, don't tell me to "stop napping" because I've tried it all. Not napping, no caffeine, less sleep the night before, no electronics before bed, prescription sleeping pills. Nothing seems to work great.

Enter: ZzzQuil. I was given a sample of ZzzQuil from Influenster to test out and review. It came with 2 pills to take at bedtime with the idea that it would help you fall asleep faster (it didn't mention anything about staying asleep longer), and that you should plan to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep.

It did, in fact, help me fall asleep faster. There wasn't any drastic change, but I can tell that it made me more sleepy so I was able to fall asleep faster. I checked my sleep tracker on my FitBit app, and I fell asleep about 4 minutes quicker than average. Overall, though, I got about the same amount of total sleep with the same amount of awake/restless minutes.

Overall, I'm not planning on purchasing the product. It's not worth my money to save a few minutes to fall asleep.

With that said, I will continue to search for every napping opportunity that presents itself to me.

Thanks, Influenster!

*Happy napping, friends!*

Reverse Your Routine!

First of all, if you've never heard of Influenster, I urge you to look into it! Influenster is a great way to search, review, learn, ask questions, and discover great products in a variety of areas (hair care, make up, cleaning, animal products, etc.). The great thing about Influenster is that, depending on how active you are within the app, they'll send you free products to try *for free!* and then review for others to know about them.

My most recent freebie included a FULL SIZE of this awesome new product from TRESemme. They've come up with a great, and surprisingly novel idea, where you basically #reverseyourroutine. You condition FIRST, and then shampoo. Weird, right?

I was skeptical. As much as I dislike conditioner (because it leaves my hair heavy and greasy), I have to use it often because my hair is SO tangly. So, the thought of conditioning first and then washing it all out made me nervous.

Let me tell you - this stuff is great. Both the conditioner and the shampoo smell AMAZING. Like. Really, really great. I can comb through my wet hair easier, and it no longer feels heavy or greasy. This campaign pushes 'better volume,' and I will say I'm not positive that is something I've gotten out of it, but my hair definitely doesn't seem any more flat than normal.

So, all in all, I give this product an 8.5/10. I definitely recommend picking it up yourself! I even stopped by my local CVS the other day and saw it on the shelf and noticed it wasn't pricy at all!

Happy showering!

Why Wilmington?

A little less than a year ago, I started feeling the urge to move away from Raleigh. I was born and raised in Raleigh, and the 25 years I had spent there were amazing. I grew up never wanting to leave. I wanted to get married and settle down there, and raise a family of my own close by to my parents. Ethan felt the same way. He wanted to stay in the triangle area. We're both homebodies who hate change. While we loved serving the Lord, we never talked or thought about becoming missionaries.

So when I started to feel like I didn't belong in Raleigh anymore, I was confused. I had already planned my life out (and was in the process of planning out how to get Ethan to propose to me!). All of a sudden, the idea of the Hub Church in Boston, MA was laid on my heart. It was the first church plant that I had read about since my sudden questioning. I began to look into it and thought, "Wow, this could be it!" Months earlier, I had traveled to Boston to watch Ethan and the NC State baseball team take on Boston College. This happened to be the same weekend as the Boston Marathon bombing. Just hours before the attack, my parents and I visited the finish line, in awe at such an amazing race in such a beautiful city. When we got home and heard what had happened, my heart felt even more in love with Boston.

Unfortunately, Ethan wanted nothing to do with this. He prayed and prayed and said this wasn't what God wanted him to do, and he felt like he could make a bigger impact in Raleigh. I felt like he was being selfish because he didn't want to leave his comfort zone, but after weeks of prayer, I decided leaving for Boston wasn't what God wanted me to do....but I still knew I needed to go somewhere.

Barely any time had passed when Ethan and I went to Summit one Sunday morning. Inside the bulletin (or whatever they're called these days), was some information about 4 upcoming church plants: 2 to Durham, 1 to Washington, D.C., and 1 to Wilmington. I didn't want to even mention the idea since it had caused such disagreement between us before.

However, when we got in the car and drove away, Ethan looked at me and said, "What do you think about the Wilmington church plant?" I'm pretty sure I shrieked. I had no idea then that this would become a reality and I would be sitting here in my home in Wilmington writing this blog post.

On Saturday night, April 26, 2014, The Summit Church commissioned 108 covenant members to go out into the nation and plant 4 different churches located in Durham, Washington, DC, and Wilmington. It was an amazing weekend of love and prayer from our sending church, and it really kicked off the season of moving for all of these amazing missionaries giving up their current lives and comforts to pursue the great commission.

After the 2 services on Saturday, fellow members of The Bridge Church (which Ethan and I are a part of) gathered for dinner to celebrate and spend time with each other. It was such a night of joy and blessings for Ethan and I to spend a few hours in fellowship with a group of people we have come to know and love as our family.

As dinner wrapped up, members of our group stood and told stories of how they've seen God's provision in their lives, and how He has prepared them for Wilmington. The room was full of tears and laughter as we listened to story after story of God's amazing grace.

We heard how the devil was working to destroy one families dreams as the husband lost his job. They began to bear the burden of finances, when all of a sudden, one night, three bags of groceries were anonymously left on their doorstep. Weeks later, the husband found a new job, they sold their house, and in just a few short weeks they will be here in Wilmington, helping to spread the Gospel to the lost.

We heard from a couple that has been praying for years and years for God to send a church to Wilmington that they could be a part of. They had previously tried location after location and had never found where they fit in...until now.

One family told the struggle of after committing to the Bridge, being told that their daughter has a disease so rare that there are only 74 documented cases in the entire world. Their lives were rocked with this devastation, and the sickness that has overcome her tiny body these past few months. Satan was attacking them, but God would yet again prevail. They just recently discovered a treatment that will help their daughter thrive and regain a lot of the abilities that she has lost.

Many college students professed how tough times have been, and the wrath they've felt from fellow friends and family members over their decisions to follow Jesus. At just the right time, however, God placed them in our group, where they have found life long friends and mentors to encourage them in their faith, and to be there for them, especially in the tough times. Two of them were even baptized Saturday night, proclaiming that nothing could stop them from going wherever Jesus calls them to go, and doing whatever He calls them to do.

Story after story like this poured out into that room. I couldn't even sleep that night because I was so pumped about what God is doing for our church. I prayed all night for these families, and praised God for the provision He has shown during this time.

Ethan and I have been in Wilmington for almost a month now, and the presence of God is so evident here. The Holy Spirit has gone before us and is truly preparing the hearts of those around us. In just this past month, I have shared my faith multiple times. At the grocery store, at the dog park, across the street. People are asking questions. They want to know why we're here and what we stand for. Honestly, in the 25 years I've lived in Raleigh, I don't think I've shared my faith or been asked questions about Jesus as much as I have here in Wilmington in this past month. It is such a sweet indication that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Ethan and I pray every night for the boldness and courage to continue to live our lives to leverage the Gospel. We pray for the hearts of those around us, that they would be receptive to what we have to say. We pray for God to put us in strategic places at strategic times to be able to share the Gospel with those around us.

We absolutely cannot WAIT for the rest of our team to get down here to Wilmington so we can get the ball rolling on opening up The Bridge Church. However, it's not about a building we meet in once a week on Sunday. We're excited for the day where we can open the doors and have weekend services, but more importantly, it's about living our lives for Jesus, and building community with those around us and within the city of Wilmington. Often times, it's not a Sunday morning message that brings people to Jesus, but a mid week meal with neighbors that show someone the true meaning of Jesus' death.

We are so blessed to be a part of this group, which we now consider family. I have been overwhelmed with the love and support from fellow men and women from our church. We have developed life long friendships already.

"Home" to us now means something completely different. It has nothing to do with a specific place, and everything to do with the people of God that are in our lives, and where God has placed us as his disciple. We are home here in Wilmington, and look forward to sharing our lives with our new best friends, and living our lives to make Jesus famous.

Many members of The Bridge Church after our celebratory dinner on Saturday

16 days.

I've been married for 16 days. Married, y'all! 

It's already going by so fast. I feel like just yesterday I was praying with my bridesmaids and shedding some last tears before walking down the aisle to meet Ethan and join our lives together. I miss that day already, so badly. It was a beautiful day, full of love; love between Ethan and I, but more importantly, love between the 50 people who came to the ceremony, the 230 people who came to the reception, and the overarching love of our Savior, Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit was with us every second of that day. He was watching over us as we got ready. He was standing with us at the alter. He was with us as we drove off in the rain to start our journey together.

Marriage, in just these short 16 days, has already been some of the most fun times. Ethan and I have enjoyed learning more about each other. So far, I think the biggest problems we've had were how much peanut butter I put on his sandwich in the morning, which sides of the couch we like the best, and which restaurants in Jamaica we wanted to eat at the most.

Luckily for us, there is more to marriage than peanut butter sandwiches, sharing a name, and the ever so awkward to talk about topic...sex!

Even though these 16 days have been so much fun growing closer together, the even better part has been growing closer to God. We pray together, we read together, we yearn for the Gospel to be present in our marriage. We're being challenged every day to live to serve each other, just as Christ served the church.

Tim Keller, in his book, "The Meaning of Marriage," speaks a great deal on the idea of service. He says this,

 

"....each partner is called to sacrifice for the other in far-reaching ways. Whether we are husband or wife, we are not to live for ourselves but for the other. And that is the hardest yet single most important function of being a husband or wife in marriage."

What the Bible tells us through Paul's words in Ephesians, is that as Christians, when we truly understand the Gospel, we are radically changed. We don't see service as an obligation, but as a privilege. It doesn't bother me to get up every morning at 6:00 and make Ethan's lunch; I want to do that for him. I want to fold his laundry and have dinner ready for him....which is hilarious to anyone who's known me prior, because I didn't want to lift a finger for myself or others. Marriage is changing me. The Gospel is continually changing me. I live to serve this other human being, and exalt him as my partner and my brother in Christ. And the best part is...he feels the same way about me! Do I deserve any of it? No, absolutely not. I am not worthy of him warming my towel up for me while I'm in the shower, or him sacrificing things he wants to do just so that I can be happy.

But that is the Gospel: I am more flawed than I can even imagine, yet Jesus still gave his for me and loves me more than I can fathom.

I am a sinner, and I married a sinner. And together, we are going to spend our lives as missionaries preaching the Word of God to anyone who will listen, and loving and serving each other in the process. Marriage is wonderful.

Martyrs

In Acts 7, we see the first Christian martyr, Stephen. Stephen literally gave his life to leverage the Gospel. He had every intention of spreading the good news of Jesus to anyone who would listen, and even those who didn't want to hear. And it cost him his life. Stephen was stoned to death for his faith. Even as he was about to take his last breath, he prayed out loud saying "Lord, do not hold this sin against them" (Acts 7:60). He loved these people so much and wanted to see their salvation so badly that he prayed for them as he took his last breath.

After Stephen is brutally murdered, the apostles scatter the lands to continue to preach the Gospel. Seriously? One of their best friends has been stoned to death, and they immediately keep preaching.

How do I get faith like that? Why is it so hard for me to share my faith, when I don't even risk persecution? It's like a constant let down. I know these people will go to Hell if they don't believe Jesus, so why aren't I more eager to spend every moment trying to tell them about the Lord?

What it comes down to is this: I am a sinner. I feel guilty, like a B team Christian. But before I let those negative thoughts take over, I have to remember that Satan is the one in charge of them! He is doing anything he can to make me feel guilty and ashamed. I just need to keep praying every time I feel down. The power of prayer plus scripture memorization can seriously affect my relationship with Jesus!

I experience multiple opportunities a day to share my faith, and show others the love of Jesus through the way I live my life. I can't save people, that's not my job. My job is to tell them about Jesus, and show them his love through the way I live my life. Salvation belongs to the Lord. I just have to open the door for them to hear, and give the Holy Spirit the opportunity to speak to them.

The Lord is coming back, and it's going to be sooner than we think. I want to make sure everyone I know is ready.

Blessed Assurance

"Blessed Assurance! Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!"

Sometimes the older hymns, though sounding outdated, offer the most beautiful essence of worship. Oh, what it would be like for this to be "my song," actually "praising my Savior all the day long." But here I am, crawling into bed to devote the last few minutes of my day to structured reading and prayer. It stings to read that. All day long I've been surrounded by true beauty, grace, and overwhelming love from my Savior, and how many times did I stop and thank Him?

I've been reading through 1st John this week, and I keep feeling so convicted of my sins. How many times daily do I scorn a coworker or friend? 1 John clearly states how sinful these simple thoughts and words can be (1:9, 1:11, 3:12). Sins are all equal in God's eyes, so who am I to mentally bash someone else when my list of bad deeds is a mile long?

Luckily, I have a great high priest who was beaten for me, who bled for me, who gave up every last breath so that I wouldn't be held accountable for my actions. He Himself absorbed the wrath of our sins (2:2). We can have assurance that if we believe in God, and live our lives for Him, not ourselves, that we will have a new life in Heaven (5:11)!

This should make me shout for joy every hour of the day. This should make me weep with thankfulness at every mention of His death. But, I am a sinner. I was born a sinner, but when I die a sinner, I will have been saved by grace.

I go to sleep tonight with the urgency to challenge myself to increase the amount I pray a day tenfold. I yearn to be able to recite memorized scripture. I desire to live my life as a product of reckless love and forgiveness. For how will the others know if they do not hear (Romans 10:14)?

We're making the move!

Ladies and gentlemen...(well, all 3 of you who read this, thanks mom!)....I have some exciting news! Ethan and I are officially making a move! Where to you might ask? Well, does this picture even do it any justice?

 We're moving to WILMINGTON!!!!

You guys, I am so excited. But not just because it's Wilmington. It's the reason why we're going that gets me hype.

~*~*~

Ethan and I have made a 2 year commitment to move to Wilmington in the spring as part of a church plant. Yep. I said it. We're starting a church!!

We will be helping build up and launch the Bridge Church (which you can learn about here). We plan to stay there until one day God hopefully calls Ethan to branch off and start his own church, or another area of ministry calls us.

~*~*~

I'd venture to say that Ethan and I probably seemed like two of the most unlikely people to move away and become missionaries. We both value being close to family, we both are hesitant with change, and we both love our comfort bubbles.

But following God isn't about being comfortable. It's usually when you're the most uncomfortable that you become the closest to Him. We know that there is nothing we can do to make this a flawless transition, and we truly have to put all of our trust in God that He will provide for us.

God has called us to Wilmington because the need there is great. Let's be real, the need for God everywhere is great, but the resources in Wilmington are also slim. There's a lack of Gospel centered churches, there's a lack of community outreach from the few churches there are. Even if people wanted to learn more about Jesus, it'd be a struggle for them to know who to go to and where to ask questions.

~*~*~

At this time, we have no job prospects. We don't have a place to live yet. We have no friends there...

But we have God.

We have his protection, and his promise to go before us and never leave us (Deuteronomy 31:8). Where God leads, He also provides, and Ethan and I take comfort in that. Will it be easy? Probably not. We may both struggle to find a job, or find the perfect place to live, or just trying to fit into a new culture. But it's not about fitting in to us. It's actually about standing out. It's about our entire lives being devoted to being missionaries for the Lord, and making His name known. It's about helping the least of these, and showing them the love of Jesus.

There's a lot of great places and people that we're leaving behind in Raleigh. I'm going to terribly miss my job, and I can almost guarantee that I will cry multiple nights thinking about my gymnasts. I'm going to miss going on weekly dates with my dad (I asked if we could meet halfway, and he laughed...). I'm going to miss spontaneous shopping trips with my mom. And honestly, I'm going to miss The Summit Church.

BUT! I'll have Ethan, and I'll have Jesus. And I'll have (at this time) around 30 other people doing the exact same thing as me, with the exact same fears and concerns as me. 30 people that are praying specifically for this church, and for us. 30 people that love Jesus more than anything else, and are willing to give it all up for Him.

And THAT is what makes it all worth it.

Hustle and Bustle

Amidst all the hustle and bustle of engagements, wedding planning, and Thanksgiving, this verse keeps finding its way into my heart:

"Give thanks to The Lord, for He is good. His steadfast love endures forever." 
Psalm 107:1

Sometimes when everything in life is going great, we almost forget God is there. Our jobs are secure, our family is happy, we have enough money to buy our extra wants on the side, and somehow we forget where it all comes from. We think that we are the ones that deserve the money. We think we are the reason our family is so happy. It's because we're so awesome that everything falls into place.

But then something goes wrong. We get in arguments. We lose our job. Our money isn't as much as we want. And suddenly, we aren't blaming ourselves anymore. We "created" the great things, but when something goes wrong it isn't us to blame. It's our circumstances, or another person around us.

That's most likely when we turn to Jesus. We're down in the dumps and we need a pick me up to get back to the good ol' days, so why not ask the One Himeself? I mean, if God can do anything, He will help us right?

That is where this verse comes in. As much as we pray for help, we should triple the amount of praise we give God for the great things He does, and the blessings we experience.

So you had a bad day at work...you're still breathing, aren't you? Thank God. You still get a paycheck. Thank God. Your car runs? Thank God.

~*~*~

I have been SO blessed lately. I recently got engaged, so I've been consumed with early wedding plans and spending time with friends and family. It would be so easy for me to push God to the side, and just live my busy life, enjoying every moment of it.

But nothing good comes from me. I am a sinner. I am selfish. I am unclean. God is the one providing for me. He is the one giving me all of these blessings.

During this holiday time, don't forget Jesus. Not just when you're down, or when you're praying for dinner. Remember Him in the morning when you have the blessing of waking up. Remember Him when you're driving to work. Remember Him when you're feeling good, or bad.

Praise God for this short life here on Earth.

Praise God for the blessings that we can't even comprehend that await His children in Heaven.

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

I'm sure everyone already knows this, as I have made sure to tell every single person I've ever met in my entire life....but just in case you've lived under a rock this weekend and had know idea:

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!

I was led on the most romantic scavenger hunt Saturday through all the places that Ethan and I have shared that are special. Each place had a love letter and a dozen roses, and it eventually led to me Yates Mill Pond (where I got lost....) to my best friend waiting for me. Don't worry guys, I cried. A lot. It was so meaningful and romantic.

The part that really got to me was the last letter that Ethan had left me, in the exact spot he would get down on one knee.

The letter included a prayer that Ethan has been praying for months. A prayer for me, and a prayer for our relationship. Not just that we would be happy and all of those other cliche things, but a prayer that we would grow in our relationship with God. A prayer that we would keep God first in our relationships, and that we would never let anything of this world overcome our love for God and our love for each other.

The beauty of marriage is so much more than two people that love each other spending their lives together. The true beauty of marriage is how it symbolizes Christ's love for the church and the people of this world. Marriage is the closest earthly picture of what our relationship will look like with Jesus. This is why God created marriage.

I have grown to love Ethan so much in these past 21 months. He has become my best friend and my sidekick. He's helped me learn how to be selfless and sacrifice for others and learn how to serve better. The greatest part about our relationship, however, is that I've become so much closer to Jesus. My prayer life has deepened. My desire to read scripture and talk to God is on fire. I want to spend my life as a missionary with this man. I want to talk about Jesus more; I want to be closer to Jesus than I've ever desired.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Ethan, growing together and growing with God. This has been such a memorable weekend, and I can't wait to see what the months to come have in store!

 

Zacchaeus! You come down!

Luke 19 tells the story of a man named Zacchaeus, the chief tax collector in Jericho. Back then, the tax collectors were Jews, chosen by the Romans, to be responsible for taking the taxes and money owed to the government. The sticky thing about this, however, is that these Jews had the ability to cheat their own people, taking even more than they owed, because the Romans told them anything additional they took, they could keep. If the Jews declined to give the tax collector the money they asked for, the handy dandy Roman soldiers were there to let them know who was boss, sometimes even to the point of killing them. Zacchaeus had become filthy rich taking money from his own people. The Jews described tax collectors as "filthier than an animal," which basically meant that they weren't even worthy to be called a human.

Zacchaeus, whom was incredibly short by the way, heard that Jesus was coming to town. Since no one even gave a flip about him, he had to climb up into a tree in order to even see Jesus pass by. Jesus noticed him though. In verse 5 He said, "Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for I must stay at your house today."

Weird, right? Especially considering staying with someone at their house was incredibly personal and seen as a high social accomplishment. Why would Jesus want to hang out with the man who steals money from his own people? What could he possibly have in common with someone who is so obsessed with financial gain that they gave up their societal rights just to make more money?

Of all of the names that we call Jesus, "friend of sinners" is one of my favorites.

Jesus loved Zacchaeus regardless of his occupation. He loved Zacchaeus regardless of his idolatry of money, and because of that, Zacchaeus freely received that love and grace. You know what else he did? In verse 8 he says, "Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold." Money was no good to Zacchaeus anymore. Money couldn't love him the way Jesus could. It couldn't comfort him, hold him, or provide for him the way Jesus could.

The difference between Christianity and a lot of other religions, is that those other religions preach that good works will help you. Good works will save you and allow you to be accepted by the higher powers. If your change your life and become better, than you will be accepted. Jesus says the exact opposite. Jesus says, you already are accepted, and that compels you to want to change.

God's acceptance isn't the reward for having cleaned up your life; it is the power to actually clean up.

Zacchaeus came to Jesus filthy with sin. By because of his love and belief, Jesus said that salvation came to his house (v9). Zacchaeus didn't go change and then run back for acceptance, the acceptance of Jesus came straight to him. He chose to follow Jesus, which meant he couldn't follow money anymore, and that was okay with him!

Most religions say "Go and do." Jesus says, "It's already been done."

Don't think that you have to clean up your life in order for God to love you. Come to Jesus just as you are and embrace the acceptance that He offers you. The filthiest, most horrible sins you've ever committed were already paid for and wiped away by Jesus himself. Come to God, and worldly things will grow dim, while the light to Jesus shines brighter than ever before.

This little light of mine

Sharing my faith is hard. It's uncomfortable. It makes me feel stupid sometimes when people ask questions I don't know the answer to, or I fumble over my words. A lot of times I feel guilty because of the sin that's plagued my heart. I don't want to just be labeled another hypocrite like so many Christians are labeled these days. I also don't want to be that "weird girl" that doesn't have friends, which stems from my idol of approval (see blog post number 1).

But you know what? That's all so selfish of me. And when I think of the grace of God, and of Jesus's sacrifice for us, I realize how unimportant my own feelings are. I realize that it doesn't matter if I fumble over my words. I can't save people. Phew!! What a comfort. To know that someone's eternity doesn't depend on whether I say the right things or not. However, I am the vessel that God uses to speak to them.

You can't just assume people know who Jesus is. I've been shocked and surprised at the lack of knowledge people have. You assume that people living in foreign, unknown lands have probably never heard of Jesus, but here? In Raleigh? In America, where we can practice religion freely without fear of persecution? Down here in the South, where there's a church nearly on every corner? 

Don't just assume because someone taught you about God that your neighbor knows. In fact, I think it's pretty safe to assume that a lot of peoples knowledge of salvation may be skewed. That's a call to me. That's a duty of mine. As a disciple of Christ, I can't just sit around and let other people wonder to themselves. As uncomfortable as it may be, taking a stand for Christ is what I was called to do! Look at this passage in Romans 10:

How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” (Romans 10:14, 15 ESV)

I come in contact with people every single day that aren't believers. I interact with some people who literally despise God, some that think good works are good enough, and some that just don't really know enough to make opinions. And that's where I come in. That's where I can let my light shine before others, so they can know that I work for a greater purpose (Matthew 5:16). 

And I see God's faithfulness in full force! I've had families start going to church again through me loving Summit. I've had coworkers come with me to church, after never going to church growing up. I've had someone message me on Facebook because she saw my love for Jesus and was interested, and now is running her own race full force toward Jesus. All because God chose to use little ol' me to speak His truths.

And it is all because I am not ashamed of Jesus. I am not afraid of rejection anymore. I am not ashamed to boldly proclaim God's love for everyone (Romans 1:16). I know God's call for my life to be brave and strong in the midst of struggles (1 Corinthians 16:14).

By the way, please don't read this and think that I'm perfect. Please don't assume that I run around every day with my bible singing worship songs and preaching the gospel to others. I am still a sinner. I am still unclean and stumble. But- I am a child of the one true King. I don't have to worry because Jesus paid for my sins on the cross, and He paid for yours too. It's not about being better than anyone else, it's about understanding that I'm the worst of the worst, and Jesus still loves me.

How can I not tell about the greatest thing that's ever happened to me?

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.....

Patience really is a virtue

Wait.

It comes as a heavy burden to most. It's not something that we do willingly, at least I don't....

I'm in a season right now where I find myself in a rut, for a lack of a better word. I've been out of college for almost 3.5 years now. I've had the same full time job since the day I graduated. I've lived in the same place for 2 years (and the same state for 25). I've been in love with the same man for over a year and a half.

I call it my mid life-mid life crisis. I'm ready for change. I'm ready for new. I'm ready for different. I want God to speak to me and spruce up my life, which I'm honestly bored with most days. I want to live somewhere else. I want to travel. Some days I think I even want to go back to school. And when it all comes down to it, what I'm really ready for, more than anything else, is marriage.

I've waited my whole life to be a wife and a mother. I've read multiple books about being a strong Christian woman, about dating, about marriage, and I'm so excited to one day have that. I see friends and acquaintances experiencing engagement, marriage, and children...I'm at the age where I seriously feel like every day I pull up Facebook someone new is engaged. Not only that, but can you imagine how many times I hear "when are you getting married?" Seriously people, salt in the wound....

But that one nagging word...

Wait.

But God, I don't want to wait. I'M ready.


Maybe I'm not ready for you yet.

I keep forgetting that marriage is a two way street. It's not just something that happens because I want it to. Marriage ultimately is for God. It's from God. It's a reflection of God.

And while I love Ethan, marriage carries a lot of responsibility, including ones that I don't even know about yet. I wonder how my quiet time will be affected when there's someone else in the room every day. I wonder how my prayer life will change when new struggles come for not just me, but my future husband. I wonder what my small group life will look like when my life is intertwined with someone else.


I still feel like I'm ready. And I think that's okay! Ultimately, this waiting period is teaching me to fully rely on God. Marriage is not something I can make happen on my own. I have to trust God. I have to wait for His timing to come through. This time has led me to a deeper prayer life. It's led me to seek more of God through his Word, and through books (Psalm 130:5-6). It's led me to have deeper friendships and accountability with my friends. As heartbreaking as it is some days when I wish I was married, I cry out to God with those questions and earnestly seek His response.

I know the day is coming, and I am super excited for it. I'm also so thankful for a man that I can pray with and seek The Lord with. Just recently we've been going over a verse together, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

What joys that await me....thank you, God!

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

What do you crave?

Let's be real. Is there anything better than a freshly baked, hot, Krispy Kreme doughnut? That fresh glaze, the melt in your mouth taste....ahh....I crave them. Constantly.

We all have some sort of idol in our life. We have that one thing that we crave (in addition to delicious doughnuts). That one thing that we can't be happy without. There's absolutely no question about it. That's how we were made as humans. We constantly seek and crave any pleasure that can make us happy, successful, loved, and fulfilled. The problem, however, is that only God can truly satisfy and fulfill us, but that doesn't always sound as appealing to our sinful hearts.

I love being the center of attention. I enjoy making people laugh, and I am pretty awesome at talking....a lot. But when it all comes down to it, I can be a big phony. I crave acceptance. I crave for people to like me, enjoy being around me, and count me as one of their friends. Are any of these bad things? I surely don't think so, in moderation. It's totally okay to want to have friends, and it's fine to be talkative and personable...but that's kind of the point.

IDOLS DON'T HAVE TO BE A BAD THING!!! An idol is simply a good thing that you turn into a God thing. An idol is something, or someone, that you place more of your hope on than God.
See, here's where I struggle. Wanting friendships and attention isn't bad in and of itself, but when it takes the place that only God can fill, and when Satan intertwines himself into this desire of mine, it can quickly blow up in my face. I compromise myself for the sake of friendships. I want to be "cool" and "popular" so sometimes I'll include myself in the gossip, or I'll laugh at the inappropriate jokes, because it's better than being looked at like I'm weird. Sometimes I'll pretend like I am someone I am not so that I can fit in with others. And THAT is where the problem is.

Friends will always let you down. Your own feelings will always let you down. God won't. He is the one true constant. His love is never failing, no matter how many times I mess up. He forgives me when others won't. I experience JOY in His presence, and His presence alone. Philippians 4:19 says it in this way, "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

So what is your "doughnut?" What is it that you think you need? Where is God telling you to give up and let Him take control? I challenge you to really search yourselves. Trust me, the feeling of relief when you relinquish that idol is overwhelming.

"I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols." Isaiah 42:8