Patience really is a virtue

Wait.

It comes as a heavy burden to most. It's not something that we do willingly, at least I don't....

I'm in a season right now where I find myself in a rut, for a lack of a better word. I've been out of college for almost 3.5 years now. I've had the same full time job since the day I graduated. I've lived in the same place for 2 years (and the same state for 25). I've been in love with the same man for over a year and a half.

I call it my mid life-mid life crisis. I'm ready for change. I'm ready for new. I'm ready for different. I want God to speak to me and spruce up my life, which I'm honestly bored with most days. I want to live somewhere else. I want to travel. Some days I think I even want to go back to school. And when it all comes down to it, what I'm really ready for, more than anything else, is marriage.

I've waited my whole life to be a wife and a mother. I've read multiple books about being a strong Christian woman, about dating, about marriage, and I'm so excited to one day have that. I see friends and acquaintances experiencing engagement, marriage, and children...I'm at the age where I seriously feel like every day I pull up Facebook someone new is engaged. Not only that, but can you imagine how many times I hear "when are you getting married?" Seriously people, salt in the wound....

But that one nagging word...

Wait.

But God, I don't want to wait. I'M ready.


Maybe I'm not ready for you yet.

I keep forgetting that marriage is a two way street. It's not just something that happens because I want it to. Marriage ultimately is for God. It's from God. It's a reflection of God.

And while I love Ethan, marriage carries a lot of responsibility, including ones that I don't even know about yet. I wonder how my quiet time will be affected when there's someone else in the room every day. I wonder how my prayer life will change when new struggles come for not just me, but my future husband. I wonder what my small group life will look like when my life is intertwined with someone else.


I still feel like I'm ready. And I think that's okay! Ultimately, this waiting period is teaching me to fully rely on God. Marriage is not something I can make happen on my own. I have to trust God. I have to wait for His timing to come through. This time has led me to a deeper prayer life. It's led me to seek more of God through his Word, and through books (Psalm 130:5-6). It's led me to have deeper friendships and accountability with my friends. As heartbreaking as it is some days when I wish I was married, I cry out to God with those questions and earnestly seek His response.

I know the day is coming, and I am super excited for it. I'm also so thankful for a man that I can pray with and seek The Lord with. Just recently we've been going over a verse together, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

What joys that await me....thank you, God!

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9